The Blog of Jason Ho

My speech at Benji & Irene’s Wedding

Hi, how is everyone doing? My name is Jason, and I’m Benji’s younger brother.

Benji is about 15 months older than me, which means I’ve known Benji for all of my life. But there was once a time when Benji didn’t know who I was, because, well, I wasn’t born yet. Because of our particular birth sequence, I sometimes like to pretend that I’m more qualified to talk about his life than he is about mine.

Growing up, when all the other kids were playing outside, Benji would usually prefer to sit in his room and read his encyclopedia. For some reason, Benji really loved world geography and memorizing random facts, which usually meant if you were wrong about something, he would have no hesitations about correcting you. Don’t know what the capital of Uzbekistan is? Me neither. But Benji will gladly inform you that it’s Tashkent.

I once strolled into his room where I caught him studying fervently. When I asked what he was up to, he glanced up with an annoyed look, then brusquely announced that starting that day, he would memorize the entire encyclopedia from A through Z. And with a determined look, he flipped the page to “Aardvark”, dropped his head, and went right on studying. So much for playtime with big brother.

My brother Justin and I used to call Benji the “goody goody tattle tale boy”, because whenever Justin and I would sneak to the computer room to play video games in secret, Benji would immediately march downstairs and report to our mom that we weren’t studying. Our mom would storm upstairs with the terrifying “dra bei zu ze”, my dad’s bamboo back-scratcher, and wave it in front of us in a threatening manner, asking us “Ni yao da le ma?”, which in Chinese means “Do you want to be spanked?”. Whatever answer we gave, this always resulted in a swift quack to the hand. Justin and I never could figure out the right answer to that question.

Benji was such a good boy in fact, that I can actually count on my right hand how many times Benji has ever been spanked in his whole life (hold up 3 fingers). Unfortunately for me, I probably got spanked 4 or 5 times a day. It wasn’t that I was a bad kid…it was that Benji was too good of a kid in comparison. Thanks Benji.

So in comes Irene and everything changes.

I knew Benji was up to something when one day he went MIA for a week, briefly mentioning that he was going skiing with some girl and her sisters. Then out of the blue, Benji calls and tells us that the girl he met was coming to Macon to meet the parents. He then calls 5 minutes later and says actually, the girl’s parents are also coming to meet the parents. This is when Justin and I knew something was up. The Gung family was coming to size up the Ho family, which meant it was time to clean up the house, cut up some fruit, and dig out those old videos of Benji performing his first piano concerto.

Like any properly executed courtship strategy, Benji demonstrated his suitability in a variety of ways. For all you single guys out there, this is the time to start taking notes.

First, Benji started playing the piano. As soon as his fingers hit the keys, an ocean of serenity filled the room, and you could see the Gung’s eyes glaze over as they all looked at each other, signaling their approval. Meanwhile, Irene stood frozen in the corner, trapped under Benji’s spell, with little red hearts sprouting from above her head, her mind somewhere frolicking in the clouds of Benji-La-La-Land. Musical talent? Check.

Next, Benji pulled out his big book of skyscraper drawings that he had been creating since a little kid. Dusting off the cover, he explained each one in detail, meticulously describing the inspirations behind each work. But to be honest, Irene was probably too busy batting her eyelashes at Benji to hear anything he had to say. Artistic talent? Check.

Next, Benji expressed his interest in pursuing a career in medicine. Successful future career? Check.

And last, and by far my favorite, is when we somehow got onto the topic of working out and staying fit. Benji instinctively thrusts out his right hand, gives his bicep a good curl, and demonstrates the sheer monstrosity of what such a bicep could lift. As Benji’s bicep expanded larger and larger, rising up like mountains, Irene’s eyes grew wider and wider until they were as large golf balls, which looked something like this O_O. Hot boyfriend material? Check. Protection from ninjas and thieves? Check.

But securing a great catch also requires a skilled catcher, and Irene certainly had plenty of tricks up her sleeve. It was clear that Benji had fallen for her charming personality, energetic spirit, and her impressive accomplishments. But personally, I think what got Benji was Irene’s killer cantonese impression, where she pretends to speak like a foreigner, fresh off the boat. It’s pretty hilarious if you’ve never seen it. Nothing works better for winning the approval of the Ho brothers, than to order french fries at the drive-through of a Burger King in Irene’s off-the-top cantonese accent, perfectly delivered with a straight face. Justin and I certainly couldn’t stop laughing. Super cool future sister-in-law? Check.

Although some of the sweetest memories are those of courtship, I’m certain that for Benji and Irene, the dearest ones are yet to come. Love is a journey, and the adventure has only begun.

Irene, I’m so happy that you are now part of our family. Benji could not have chosen a better person to match him.

And Benji, I’m so happy that you found someone to stop you from memorizing the encyclopedia from A through Z. Although you may have been the “goody goody tattle tale boy” when we were younger, the truth is I’ve always looked up to you as an older brother, and I’ve learned so much from you. I’m so happy that you finally found someone as great as Irene to share the rest of your life with.

You guys really are made for each other. The proof is in the name. I look forward to lots and lots of Gung-Ho nephews and nieces, and I’m sure Daddy does too.

Thank you everyone for coming!

How Outsourcing Saved My Life

Every two weeks, I used to spend an entire Sunday with a friend mass producing 30 lbs of vegetables and 20 lbs of chicken for our bodybuilding diet. Working together, it normally took us 10 hours to complete. Buying groceries, lugging it home, washing vegetables, chopping, slicing, grilling, steaming, packing, and cleaning. It was all routine by now.

All this broccoli washing and garlic peeling usually put me in a rather meditative state. While my hands were on autopilot, my mind would usually wander, exploring the outer fringes of my consciousness in search of the greater meanings of life. Cooking is quite therapeutic…like harvesting strawberries in Farmville, for those who can’t relate :)

One Sunday, I started wondering about the ROI of exercise and eating healthy. For every hour that I spent at the gym and cooking healthy, did I get that hour back as an old man? Like a prudent investor, I was beginning to worry about the return potential of my investment.

Doing some quick napkin math, I figured that one day every 2 weeks was about 7% of my life, and that perhaps that 7% had some value. If you count my friend’s life, you could say we were spending 14% of a life cooking. So we discussed what saving 7% of our lives would be worth to us. After much contemplation, we eventually arrived at a humble valuation of $200.

So I decided to try outsourcing our biweekly cookathon. With a slightly evil smile (and a muahaha), I went on TaskRabbit.com, and submitted our task with all the details of what needed to be done. I was finally beginning to internalize the principles I had learned from the dark side of business – always minimize opportunity cost, and exploit arbitrage.

Within hours, I had several bids offering to do the shopping and cooking, all for under $100! After a bit of negotiating, we ended up going with a woman with catering experience, who could do the whole thing in her kitchen for just $116.

The following Sunday, I woke up to a phone call. “Hi! I’m downstairs.” Waiting for me was the woman from TaskRabbit, and a heaping 50 lbs of food. After chatting a bit about why I needed all this food, and assuring her that I did not have 10 children to feed, I hauled it all back to my apartment and shut the door. A huge grin slowly spread across my face. It was the Sunday of my cooking ritual, and I had only spent 5 minutes.

The rest of my Sunday was spent with friends and enjoying the sun. Sometimes, with a bit of experimentation and arbitrage, you can literally buy back your life. Seven percent at a time.

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P.S. If you’re interested in trying TaskRabbit you can use my $10 off link.

The Rhythms of Diet

Timing is everything. Steep tea a minute too long and you’ll ruin it. Start your business next year and you’ll miss the market. Kiss her now or forever regret the moment. Success in dieting, like success in life, requires an acute awareness of timing and opportunity. When you eat matters just as much as what you eat.

It’s not as simple as “calories in, calories out”, the facile explanation often used to sum up weight loss. Your body is a complex energy system with dynamically changing needs. A good diet plan will try to match resources to needs (e.g. eating more carbs before a workout), pair foods to produce the right synergistic effects (e.g. taking creatine with fruit juice), and capitalize on windows of opportunity (e.g. drinking protein right after a workout).

A good dieter learns to tango with their body – anticipating its next move, feeling out its desires, and stepping to its natural rhythms.

Visualizing Your Diet

My diet plan helps me track what I eat and how much to eat. But I also wanted a way to visualize the rhythms of my diet so that I could pace my consumption of various nutrients. So I graphed my cumulative intake of fat, carbs, and protein throughout the day, as well as my speed of intake:

If you follow a diet plan, I highly recommend visualizing your consumption this way. It’s a great way to reveal any imbalances in pacing.

Finding the Right Tempo

So what should a healthy consumption graph look like? Well this will highly depend on what your schedule looks like and how active you are. If you are Michael Phelps, it will probably look like the Himalayas. But for us humans who don’t eat a 12,000 calorie diet, aren’t professional athletes, and work out once a day around noon, it might look something like this:

Here are some general guidelines:

Carbs – Space your carbohydrates evenly throughout the day, increasing it before and after a workout, then taper it off towards bedtime when your metabolism slows down. Eating a high carb meal right before bed is a great way to get fat.

Protein – Your body should have a constant supply of protein all the way up til bedtime. Many bodybuilders even wake up in the middle of the night to drink a protein shake. Keep protein evenly spaced throughout the day, and increase it slightly right after a workout. I always have a meal of flaxseed oil and casein protein (digests slower than whey) right before bed.

Fat – Ideally, your fat intake should be inversely proportional to carb intake. Whenever you eat meals high in carbohydrates (especially if they are high GI foods), you’ll want to eat less fats to reduce the chance of your body storing it. In order to better isolate this variable, I eat 99% lean meats, then supplement with healthy fat sources like flaxseed oil, avocados, almonds, and fish oil.

Calories – This should look fairly similar to the carb graph. Increase calories before and after a workout, then taper off slightly towards bedtime. You don’t need to explicitly plan this. If you plan your carbs, protein, and fat correctly, the calories will fall into place.

Dancing to the beat

Are you feelin’ the beat? Now that we’re head bobbing to the right tempos, it’s time to start dancing (or fist pumping, whatever works). Go make some changes!

As soon as I graphed my diet, I realized I was working out too late. Since I usually hit the gym around 8pm, my three biggest meals were all crammed in late at night. My carb curve had an apex around 10pm. This also meant my body was wide awake at wee hours of the night, even though my brain wanted it to be asleep.

Once I started doing my heavy lifting in the afternoon, the curves started looking a lot more like the ideals I describe above. I was beginning to understand the rhythms of my body. I was finally learning to tango.